I always described myself as a “worst case scenario” kinda girl. It started as a nurse since seeing trauma every day takes its toll. Combined with regular mass shootings here in America, 9/11, my brother’s description of his own war experiences, I assume something bad will happen everywhere I go. An obese man walking down the street? The rules of CPR for outside a hospital run through my brain as I pass on the sidewalk. Hiking up a mountain? Would I be able to hike off with a broken hip that I’m going have when I fall? If an active shooter barged into my church, would I have an escape route? See the pattern? First responders, military, and health care providers are trained like athletes and musicians. Practice doesn’t make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. We run practice code blues in the hospital. I study constantly, updating myself on new procedures, research studies, and

Life is anything but certain.

In fact, life in its definition I would claim, is uncertainty. Any action we take, any choice made can alter, blow up, or end our lives. That does not mean we stop the actions. We don’t stop the choices and ball up. We live, damn it. We live every second of every day to the best of our ability. We experience life. We connect with others. We love. We allow ourselves to be loved.

I promise I’ll have regrets on my deathbed, but I hope and pray I’m living my life to minimize those regrets to the best of my ability. I want my obituary to read that I didn’t know everything, but I lived and loved the best I knew. And when I learned better, I did better, I lived and loved better.